Santa are you here yet?

Do you remember growing up, December right around the corner? After a big Thanksgiving dinner, you just finished your last bite of pumpkin pie. You can feel it now! Christmas is almost here. As a kid, we eagerly wait for Santa's arrival all year. But as soon as December 1st hits and the countdown begins with our chocolate advent calendars, it's really here! The decorations come out, the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree, Christmas music, Christmas cookies, your Christmas list (which let's be serious you started last Christmas after receiving 6 scarves and too much underwear last year at Christmas), and of course SANTA! Santa comes with so many exciting memories, and also for some reason as soon as you hear Santa you think... oh no what have I done this year, have I been good... am I on the naughty list?!?! There was that one time I yelled at Suzy Q in class for taking my colored crayon and that one time I threw the candy in line at the grocery store because my Mom wouldn't let me bring it home, oh right and that one time I poured all my dogs food out onto the floor. All of a sudden you are stressing out as a 5-year-old about what you did or didn't do to get you on the naughty list this year. Then you think well I did help my baby brother with his homework, and I have been pretty good in school this year, and I have been practicing my reading a lot, and there was that one time I helped my Dad carry in the groceries and somehow the good things always outweigh the bad.

Then it's here Christmas Eve! I remember TRYING to stay up all night on the living room couch with my little brother just to see Santa and watching the Santa tracker on TV to see where Santa was. The anticipation, the excitement, the fear of not getting that razor scooter that was at the top of my list or worse getting... COAL. The build-up to this one special day was exhausting, but it's finally here. My entire family is piling in the house for Christmas brunch, the kissing the squeezing, and the amount of love in the room is contagious. Then the moment you've been waiting for as a 5-year-old. PRESENTS! Ripping wrapping paper right and left, bows are flying, glitter is everywhere, and tape is stuck in your hair. After all of the chaos, you forget what was on your list because what you have been unwrapping for the past 20 minutes is exactly what you wanted and you couldn't have asked for anything more. You sit next to the tree surrounded by wrapping paper, presents, family, and love and think wow it couldn't get better than this. How could one Holiday give a 5-year-old so much stress, so much excitement, and in the end the best day of the year?

Well, having a baby during the Holiday season is all of that and more! On Easter, we found out that we are having our first baby! The joy, the love, the anxiety, immediately floods over you. Then you do the math...December we're having a December baby the craziest time of the year. Now, trust me I love December babies, I am a December baby, but on top of Thanksgiving, my birthday, and Christmas holy moly that is a lot! But we are forever grateful and have never been more excited, more eager, or a little scared of having a beautiful baby girl... estimated due date is December 11th.

Fast forward 8 months, while there is so much to talk about throughout that 8 months that is equally important to share, but that you can get in my next blog post. I'm writing this at the moment as I currently sit here 9 months pregnant, days if not hours away from having our baby girl. December 1st hit and all of a sudden I feel like a 5-year-old kid again waiting for Santa to get here. The same amount of stress and thought of am I on the naughty list comes back in. Have I done everything I can in the past 8 months to make sure that my baby girl joins us healthy, and happy?5-year-old The stress of, did I take my prenatal vitamins every morning or did I take the right prenatal vitamin, did I exercise enough, did I eat the right foods? Well there was that one time I had a Reuben and I'm not sure if it was cooked all the way, I did forget my vitamin that day, there was that one day I stayed in bed all day because I mentally and physically could not get out of bed. Not to mention being pregnant in a PANDEMIC brings on so many more stressors that you couldn't/wouldn't even imagine! Me freaking out and having a mental breakdown over my first vaccine shot and wondering if it was the right choice for my baby is also a whole other blog post. In these weeks, days, and hours left I have before she arrives it sometimes feels like the stress and anxiety outweigh the positives. That I could have done more, or I should be doing more. But I think, she'll be ok, right?

It's that time when I'm going to the Dr. every week. I'm 1cm dilated, WOOHOO! The next week, I'm 1.5 cm dilate and 70% effaced... wow she's really coming. Santa is almost here! Then it's that 39-week mark, you get to the doctor's office. I'm still 1.5 darn but 85% effaced! We're really getting somewhere. The doctor asks are you ready? What a loaded question. The excitement and anticipation is at it's high, just like Christmas Eve but a couple of weeks early! Ok I think I'm ready! Her nursery is all set to go, my hospital bags are packed, I went to every doctor's appointment, I got not one but two different types of diapers just in case, I took all those birthing classes on labor and breastfeeding and infant care, I'm a prenatal/postpartum training specialist for goodness sake, I GOT THIS! Well, this Christmas Eve is a little different than when I was 5. It's kind of like if Christmas Eve meets Bill Murray on Groundhog Day. I'm excited, this could be the day! The next day I wake up, I'm still pregnant, and the next day and the next. How many times can I clean the nursery, bounce up and down on my ball, drink raspberry leaf tea, walk, so many walks! The anticipation , excitement, stress, and anxiety, are overwhelming and sometimes cause me to do the exact opposite of what I should be doing. Relaxing, breathing, connecting with my baby and instead I'm running around like a mad woman, washing her clothes again, packing and unpacking the hospital bags, and ,rewatching the courses. But did I mention the excitement and anticipation that same feeling of staying up all night on the living room couch knowing, really hoping that you're going to see Santa. This time is a little different, I'm bringing a baby girl into the world! She's going to be so stinking cute, so loved, I just want to squeeze her already!

While these days of waiting for our baby girl to join us gives me all of my 5-year-old Christmas preparation feels good and bad, I stop and remember that feeling I had Christmas morning. When I'm covered in tape and wrapping paper, my entire family all in one place, staring at the presents, and feeling the amount of love in the room and thinking it can't get better than this. I know our baby girl will join us when she is ready. I know that I am ready, I know that she is loved, and that same feeling will rush over me knowing that it couldn't get better than this.

Stay tuned for her big entrance...